Since the season’s first episode, I knew that the experts on Married at First Sight got it wrong.
Katie struggled with feelings for another man right before meeting Derek at the altar. Michael had no concept of marriage and family, nor did he understand what either entailed. Jessica wanted to keep up with her twin sister, and Derek had never been in love.
Still, the couples gathered their nerves, stood at their respective altars, and exchanged marital vows with the other participants in their arranged marriages. Family and friends looked on with high hopes, except for Mindy, whose family refused to participate (she should have perceived that as an omen). Receptions, photos, and a joint honeymoon took place, and foolishness wasn’t far behind.
As three couples made efforts to become close, two couples just couldn’t get right. Michael’s off-camera ultimatum to Meka about sex on their honeymoon backfired when Meka confronted him on camera, and Zach blindsided Mindy by telling her that he was not attracted to her.
Throughout the remainder of the season, Brandon’s temper tantrums and verbal assaults were off putting Taylor, the other couples and the production team. Michael’s lies were more than I could bear to watch, so I know they were a lot for Meka to handle. (He said he was a yoga instructor, but he was the facility’s janitor.) Zach’s subpar treatment of Mindy and her efforts at salvaging their nonexistent marriage were almost heartbreaking. Even worse were his ambiguous accusations about her character and behavior, while he was communicating inappropriately with her friend.
It was unnerving to watch these women be treated so poorly by the men they’d committed themselves to. I’ve watched several seasons of MAFS, and I’ve seen many of the couples have successful marriages — even those who’ve had rough starts. But I’ve never seen four out of five couples in one season be so obviously mismatched.
Last night, I watched the Decision Day episode where the couples decided whether to remain married or get divorced. Each of the men on the show came into the meeting with the intentions of staying married, but three of them were surprised when their wives didn’t want the same. Meka, Mindy and Taylor each decided to end their marriages on Decision Day.
While I’m a firm believer in the institution of marriage and working through marital issues, I strongly believe those women made the best decisions. Each of them was disrespected by their husbands, and subsequently chose to bet on themselves.
Brandon’s fits of rage were unacceptable. Michael’s nonstop lies were an insult to Meka’s intelligence, and they hampered any attempts at her getting to know him authentically. Zach’s refusal to move into the apartment with Mindy, his constant disapproval of her physical appearance, and his inability to treat her like a human being were all equally intolerable.
As society and the media continuously romanticize struggle love for women, particularly Black women, I find it refreshing that this group of women chose their happiness over marital dysfunction.
With popular shows like Love & Hip Hop, Hustle & Soul, The Bachelor and Power promoting mistreatment of women, the acceptance of verbal abuse, infidelity, disrespect and general bad behavior have all become indicators that a woman is good and worthy of love. Seeing this play out so often made me appreciate the audacity of the decision to reject struggle love.
Meka, Mindy and Taylor’s respect, energy and love for themselves trumped their need to be legally bound to a man who didn’t care enough to show that he cared. These women, and others like them, should be applauded for saying “no” to men and showing them that they aren’t accepting any more love scraps. From here on out, I hope each of these women demands that love be served like the Golden Opulence Sundae. With all the toppings.
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